Wednesday, 17 June 2009

Cover Versions

If you don't like a good cover there's something wrong with you. Clearly. And how do you know if it's a good cover? You want the criteria? Well, you can't have it, yet. Great scholars were locked in a room for years writing the rules of what makes a cover version a success or not, and how to decide if it's any good or not. World leaders were consulted, great books read, and the history of popular music pored over. Nobody asked Simon Fuller.

And what were their conclusions? A whole lifetime passed, a generation waited. They, the great worthy ones, decided that all covers could be put into four categories, which I have the honour of giving the world, here listed below. It's an exclusive.

Category One
Any or all of the following.
Rubbish. Shouldna bothered. Unoriginal. Picked the wrong song. Were aiming for commercial success because you haven't got any good songs of your own. Dull. Song has been done to death already. Obvious. Nobody cares.

Category Two
Not bad enough for Category One, but still a bit pants. Worth a mention but not a repeated listen. Technically proficient but uninspiring. Album filler. B side. Contractual obligation. Done for an advert.

Category Three
Good. Interesting. Original. Worth repeated listens. Pays tribute to or at least equals the original. Possibly in a different style or language. A worthy re-imagining. A cult classic.

Category Four
Amazing. Better than the original. Becomes the definitive version. Awakens the world to the genius of the original unfairly forgotten artist. Takes the song to a new astral plain. Audio perfection. Ushers in hope for a new generation and provokes world peace.

In order to get your badge of merit, which will allow you to enjoy a lifetime of covers, please place the following in the most appropriate category.

1. Anything by Boyzone or Joan Baez.

2. Britney's Baby, One More Time by either Travis or English folkie Richard Thompson.

3. Vanessa Paradis singing Walk On By

4. The Clash Bankrobber

To further put you to the test, have a look at these.

Press the red button to vote now.




  2. Was never a fan, so not as blasphemous to me as some. I'm hoping he does some Beatles next.