Golden Cleaners

I first became aware of The Cleaners From Venus via the book, Lost In Music by Giles Smith. Its a book that recounts Smiths time in bands and notably The Cleaners From Venus. Initially I thought it was a work of fiction, the band a fictitious group. Obviously as I worked at a record shop (we could be selling shoes!) I had to look as to if The Cleaners From Venus were real. They were and this collection, Golden Cleaners was bought to see what they were like.
I played it once, and if you count yesterdays commute twice.

This collection covers a period loosely referred to as New Wave, and the impression that I got is that Martin Newall, the main songwriter in The Cleaners From Venus and now poet, cum musician, cum author, certainly at the time of writing these songs is a talentless hack that had his albums released on cassette as no one really would take a punt on the expense of vinyl.

Lyrically the man is shocking, 6 form poetry that has a stab at humour but comes out sounding like that irritating boy at school that used to quote The Young Ones ad nauseum. None more so than on Illya Kuryakin Looked at Me, a pitiful song that tries to create a Syd Barrettesque story but sounds like a Flight Of The Conchords comedy tune, if Flight Of The Conchords were trying to do a cure influenced Syd Barrett cover, this is what it would sound like.

It does however display a certain charm in places, Newall stops being the rock star he wants to be and puts some effort into lyrics and it comes good, but his ego takes over most of the songs. Its OK to have a little ego, when the work justifies it, but one, two maybe three reasonable tracks on a best of collection is a dreadful ratio.

So Golden Cleaners, because of Illya Kuryakin Looked at Me, Johnny The Moondog Is Dead and other crimes. 2 out of 10.



Armistice Day by The Cleaners From Venus

The Coral

A few years ago I went to V Festival here in Staffordshire. I can't recall all too much about it, bands etc. I do recall seeing the non Brody Dalle element of The Distillers. They weren't as pretty as the Brody Dalle element. I did see The Coral though and in all honesty it is 40 minutes of my life which I will never get back. They could play alright, trouble was that they played 20 minute jazz breakouts of their song. I recall I wondered aloud, "if I wanted this shit, I would go to Glastonbury".
Todays commute CD is The Corals debut, The Coral. Its not quite "if I wanted this shit, I would go to Glastonbury", its more the radio edit.
The Coral are hugely influenced by bands of the very late 60's, The Chocolate Watch Band being the most obvious, that San Francisco sound clearly had a huge effect on the Wirral, the chiming guitars, the beefheartesque interludes. But its a bit forced to be honest. It shouts ooh get me, I have smoked stuff, listen, thats me noodling, thats cos I'm HIGH on the druqs!!!!!1!!!!, you cant appreciate it, cos you aint high!
I wasn't high, I was driving, but the closest I get to getting high is taking ALL of the wrapper off my Magic Tree New Car Scent. I tell you it makes your head swim.
This album is my wife's she really liked The Coral, at least until that V festival and all the New Car Scent in the world wouldnt be enough to make them enjoyable.
This album isnt as bad as their live performance though, it presents the hit(s) Dreaming of You, Goodbye and Skeleton Key in their glory and the odd other track that isnt massively irritating. Its just that it gets on my wick after a while, its no better than Oasis trying to emulate people much much better than them that came before them, and doing it so badly.
I know bo diddley of course and the NME rates this as the 21st best album of the noughties, one of us is wrong. 2 out of 10.



Skeleton Key by The Coral

In The Studio

The loosely alphabeticised journey was incredibly loose today as I hit an S, in Special AKA’s In The Studio. The 1984 album put together by founding member of The Specials, Jerry Dammers.
Noted primarily for the single (Free) Nelson Mandela, but also containing Racist Friend and What I Like Most About You Is Your Girlfriend.
The personnel on this album, as well as Dammers, includes Specials drummer John Bradbury and the Specials horn section in Rico Rodriguez and Dick Cuthell. A steller line up only aided by Rhoda Dakar, Caron Wheeler and Claudia Fontaine. On paper, a great album.
But books are on paper, albums were on vinyl, CD and cassette, and the facts are that remove Nelson Mandela, this is an incredibly weak, pop jazz funk album that is only bolstered by the inclusion of (Free) Nelson Mandela.
The songwriting, lyrically is not pleasant, tedious rhymes, lazy clichés, appalling really. Also in Stan Cambell, whether unintentionally or at the request of Dammers, attempts to pull off Terry Halls styling on a number of songs and that makes for difficult listening.
On the whole it reminded me of mid eighties jazz funk artists like Matt Bianco, which is a dreadful comparison and one not to be took lightly.
I know why I bought this album, pesky Amazon recommendation and a low price tag, not a good reason at all to buy an album.
2 out of 10



(Free) Nelson Mandela by The Special AKA

Frank Black and the Catholics

The eponymous Frank Black and the Catholics today, the 1998 album released on Spinart. Listening to this made me think of the conversation that must have happened between Frank Black and Kim Deal prior to the reformation of the Pixies.

Frank Black: Hi Kim Waassssuuuuppp!
Kim Deal: (Sigh) Hi Charles.
FB: Watcha doin?
KD: You know, just chillin.
FB: Watcha mean, chillin?
KD: You know, just hanging out.
FB: Just you?
KD: (Sigh) No Charles, not just me.
FB: Is Albini there? I bet Albini is there. Is Albini there?
KD: (Muffled receiver) He is asking if you are here!!!
Steve Albini: (In the background) Tell him no, say it’s a dog, say its you and a dog, tell him its some chien andaluscian shit, seriously Kim, you say I’m here you get Pete Waterman engineering the next record, I swear to god.
KD: No Charles, it’s a dog, a Spanish dog.
FB: I love Spanish dogs, you know there is this movie right, and its called un chien..
KD: (cutting him off) Charles, did you call for something?
FB: Oh yeah, erm, I was just watching Oprah and I started wondering if you had you heard any of my albums?
KD: Oh yeah, course, I have heard them all…..
FB: Really? I mean that’s really good, real real good. Whats your favourite?
KD: Oh you know, they are all great it’s difficult to choose a favourite….
FB: But which one is the best????
KD: You know, the, erm, the one with the songs on them, you know, the shouty one???
FB: The shouty one?
KD: The shouty one!
FB: Kim, you know when we split you got Albini.
KD: Uh-huh.
FB: And I got the dude that did the Superbad soundtrack.
KD: Uh-huh.
FB: (Serious tone) So tell me Kim Deal WHICH album do you consider to be the Shouty one.
KD: (muffled) He is asking me which album of his I like best!!!!!!
SA: (in the background) Tell him The Frank Black and The Thingies one
KD: The what and the who???
SA: I saw it today in Best Buy, its like a yellow sleeve
KD: (To FB) The one with the yellow sleeve?
SA: It was real cheap.
KD: (To FB) The real cheap one with the yellow sleeve?
SA: It was next to the second Ugly Kid Joe album, hey I bought that Ugly Kid Joe album, do you want to hear it?
KD: (To FB) The real cheap one with the yellow sleeve next to the second Ugly Kid Joe album!
FB: And your favourite song on that album?
KD: Oh you know, the one about the Mojave?
FB: Sorry?
KD: Or whores?
FB: what?
KD: spaceships?
FB: You haven’t heard a single thing I have done since the Pixies have you?
KD: Do I need to?
FB: *Click*

2 out of 10.



All My Ghosts by Frank Black

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

Todays album is a self made compilation that I put together around 2002. Its features the work of Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, BRMC. There was considerable fuss surrounding the band around that time and I wanted to effectively see what the fuss was about. I shouldn’t have bothered.
I am trying to be objective here, and as far as the songs are concerned they are good songwriters, the problem with BRMC is that they are extremely derivative and wear their influences for all to show, and this is what distracts me.
Distracts is a bit light, I was actually sitting in the car and didn’t know if I was enjoying the 17 tracks that I put on the CD, 17 tracks and it covers their early period of Spread Your Love, Red Eyes and Tears, Love Burns etc. I just didn’t know, I could hear that they had good tunes but I think the way they were presented made me think otherwise. The Verve, Jesus and Mary Chain and Big Star all feature incredibly heavy and it’s a combination that grates. Particularly the JAMC influence, I don’t really like the band and so another band so blatantly influenced by them isn’t going to get my seal of approval.
BRMC, like Jet and The Datsuns came about off the back of The Strokes and were at the forefront of what the NME called the New Rock Revolution. It was effectively watered down garage rock for the young set. I do however know people that loved all that and they hadn’t been part of the young set for some time. So maybe its me missing the point, maybe its my ears that are wrong, maybe BRMC were/are good and its me that doesn’t get them. Perhaps if I get past the heavy worn influences and listen to the songwriting I will appreciate them all the more? Maybe, or maybe I will pop this compilation in the bin on my way home and recycle the jewel case. 1 out of 10



Spread Your Love by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

Auf De Mer

Auf De Mer by former Hole/Smashing Pumpkins bassist, Melissa Auf De Mer. This one is a copy that a good friend took the time to make for me, so any negative comment would seem rather ungrateful. It is shit though, not bad, or mediocre, it is easily the shittest CD I have listened to whilst navigating the A’s, and at the end of all this when I play the last track of the second Zumpano CD I may look back and say , Auf De Mer, that WAS the shittest! Tunes it is bereft of them, clichés its chock full of them, its autotuned beyond belief, its fucking appalling and that’s being polite. I quite liked one single when it was released but this album, which is ridiculously long and has an oh so hilarious hidden “track”, this album is just not good. 2 out of 10 and that’s being polite as a good friend did it for me, and due to its length only plays once per journey.