Ah. Coldplay. Coldplay, Coldplay, Coldplay. Why so sad Coldplay. Why such tunes of earnest melancholy? Your debut album Parachutes soundtracked my commute yesterday it was a bit of a slog to be honest. You made me sad at Stafford and the fog of miserablism did not lift until the end of track 10 when you released me from your grip. What happened Coldplay, you used to be such nice boys, not pencilling slogans on your hand, telling me stuff about fair trade and world debt, you used to smile, you used to be on Fierce Panda, then you started naming your kids after fruit (how is young boysenberry?) and sticking plasters on your fingers.
Your debut does contain two highlights though, that Yellow eh? Me and the wife loved that I think we probably still do, and then there is that bassline on sparks, thats lovely. Other than that a pile of steaming shit. 1 out of 10.
Sparks by Coldplay
Showing posts with label 1's. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 1's. Show all posts
Thursday, 11 March 2010
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
A Rush Of Blood To The Head - Review
I am sat here waiting for the secret life of the dog on BBC2, they promise its going to be excellent and Darren Hayman reckons his dog Beullah is the double of the intelligent dog who features. I think Darren Hayman is doing that thing that parents do when they think their kid is actually not as smart as they really are. I am waffling, to the commute CD.
I beleive everything has a tipping point, and none more so than toast. Toast is only good for spreading butter on 15-20 seconds after the toaster has spewed the toast. There is a 15-20 second window to get the butter on the hot bread ad after that, well it just aint nice, thats the tipping point. Its a bit like that scene in interview with a vampire when short cult nutter Tom Cruise drinks from the dead lady, its too late Tom, the toast has cooled!
Coldplays tipping point was the day they performed Yellow acoustically on Jo Whileys show, it had yet to be released, a platinum selling career was but a dream away and to put it in the words of my wife, Chris Martin was yet to turn into a Bono emulating cunt. Apologies for the C word.
Todays album is a Rush Of Blood To The Head and Martin is a cunt and I have not got the first clue as to how or why we own this album, yes I like The Scientist as I am a romantic that cries at eastenders, I will cry at anything, The Scientist video being an example. That track aside, I am lost as to why this pretentious mind numbing bollocks has made it into our CD's.
The dogs are on 1 out of 10 as I still like The Scientist.
The Scientist by Coldplay
I beleive everything has a tipping point, and none more so than toast. Toast is only good for spreading butter on 15-20 seconds after the toaster has spewed the toast. There is a 15-20 second window to get the butter on the hot bread ad after that, well it just aint nice, thats the tipping point. Its a bit like that scene in interview with a vampire when short cult nutter Tom Cruise drinks from the dead lady, its too late Tom, the toast has cooled!
Coldplays tipping point was the day they performed Yellow acoustically on Jo Whileys show, it had yet to be released, a platinum selling career was but a dream away and to put it in the words of my wife, Chris Martin was yet to turn into a Bono emulating cunt. Apologies for the C word.
Todays album is a Rush Of Blood To The Head and Martin is a cunt and I have not got the first clue as to how or why we own this album, yes I like The Scientist as I am a romantic that cries at eastenders, I will cry at anything, The Scientist video being an example. That track aside, I am lost as to why this pretentious mind numbing bollocks has made it into our CD's.
The dogs are on 1 out of 10 as I still like The Scientist.
The Scientist by Coldplay
Monday, 23 November 2009
In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3
In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3 is the ridiculously titled commute album for today. It’s by American rock band, Coheed and Cambria.
Coheed and Cambria are a dolled up prog rock band, elements of Rush, Smashing Pumpkins, The Mars Volta and Placebo. I saw them once in concert, they did about 4 songs, they do really long songs. Not particularly good songs either.
This album is a concept album that fits in with a graphic novel, it is an album that’s lacking on choruses and of the 12 tracks only 2 are under 4 minutes long, and 3 are over 8 minutes long. The one and only song that I liked contains a chorus and is under 4 minutes long, the other 11 are just pompous bollocks that I may have liked in 2003 the year of its release, but now, it was a journey I could have done in silence.
Song length means nothing though, it is just highlighting the fact that these dreadful songs were very long so instead of 3 minutes of dreadfulness, they averaged a 5 minute stretch of dreadfull.
The song that is rather good though is the single from this album, A Favor House Atlantic. I do not have the first clue what that means, but I gave up on trying to understand this band shortly after getting this CD. It was a frown that spread across my face when this turned up next.
So whats so bad about it all? Well it is effectively generic emo, dressed up in scifi concepts and drawn out for a long time, Rush style drama and vocals, done very badly and without the slightest hint at any humour. You get the picture. They like preposterousness and this album labels it up thick, with a sprinkle of pomposity for good measure. Watch the video for A Favor House Atlantic, its pretty good, you don’t have to listen to anything else by them, trust me on that. 1 out of 10.
A Favor House Atlantic by Coheed and Cambria
Coheed and Cambria are a dolled up prog rock band, elements of Rush, Smashing Pumpkins, The Mars Volta and Placebo. I saw them once in concert, they did about 4 songs, they do really long songs. Not particularly good songs either.
This album is a concept album that fits in with a graphic novel, it is an album that’s lacking on choruses and of the 12 tracks only 2 are under 4 minutes long, and 3 are over 8 minutes long. The one and only song that I liked contains a chorus and is under 4 minutes long, the other 11 are just pompous bollocks that I may have liked in 2003 the year of its release, but now, it was a journey I could have done in silence.
Song length means nothing though, it is just highlighting the fact that these dreadful songs were very long so instead of 3 minutes of dreadfulness, they averaged a 5 minute stretch of dreadfull.
The song that is rather good though is the single from this album, A Favor House Atlantic. I do not have the first clue what that means, but I gave up on trying to understand this band shortly after getting this CD. It was a frown that spread across my face when this turned up next.
So whats so bad about it all? Well it is effectively generic emo, dressed up in scifi concepts and drawn out for a long time, Rush style drama and vocals, done very badly and without the slightest hint at any humour. You get the picture. They like preposterousness and this album labels it up thick, with a sprinkle of pomposity for good measure. Watch the video for A Favor House Atlantic, its pretty good, you don’t have to listen to anything else by them, trust me on that. 1 out of 10.
A Favor House Atlantic by Coheed and Cambria
Wednesday, 11 November 2009
Led Zeppelin II
Led Zeppelin again today, the penultimate Zepellin of this little stack of CD’s I think. Led Zeppelin II to be more precise, their second album. Tomorrow it’s the debut, but for today it’s the sophomore effort.
This is a great album for all intents and purposes, its almost a great album, its one song off a great album. Yes I could be spending blog inches telling you perhaps what you already know about the atlantic soul beauty of The Lemon Song, or Whole Lotta Love was THE greatest theme tune outside of Ronnie Hazlehursts work, or Heartbreaker being one of the most fantastic rock songs ever written. I could tell you all this, and those alone could be the reason why this album is noted as one of the greatest rock albums ever written.
This is all negated by Ramble On. Ramble On destroys everything else on this album due to one verse.
Christ. Minus this song 9 out of 10, with this song 1 out of 10.
Ramble On by Led Zeppelin
This is a great album for all intents and purposes, its almost a great album, its one song off a great album. Yes I could be spending blog inches telling you perhaps what you already know about the atlantic soul beauty of The Lemon Song, or Whole Lotta Love was THE greatest theme tune outside of Ronnie Hazlehursts work, or Heartbreaker being one of the most fantastic rock songs ever written. I could tell you all this, and those alone could be the reason why this album is noted as one of the greatest rock albums ever written.
This is all negated by Ramble On. Ramble On destroys everything else on this album due to one verse.
Mine's a tale that can't be told, my freedom I hold dear
How years ago in days of old when magic filled the air
'twas in the darkest depths of Mordor, mm-I met a girl so fair
but Gollum and the evil warg crept up and slipped away with her
her, her, yeah, and ain't nothin' I can do, no
Christ. Minus this song 9 out of 10, with this song 1 out of 10.
Ramble On by Led Zeppelin
Saturday, 3 October 2009
Yellow Submarine
You would think that THIS close to the end of the B's it would be foolish to take a break from my trip through my loosely alphabeticised CD albums. I haven't. Wednesday I had a second copy of Blink 182's self titled album, it was excellent second time round, and then I had Dude Ranch also by Blink 182, and for some reason my over fussy car stereo wouldn't play it, I suspect it would have been a 9, it contains Josie and Dammit, which I love but as it wouldn't play, well no review.
Yesterday was Yellow Submarine by The Beatles and it is the first time I suspect that this album has been played. I think my sister bought it me, she certainly bought me the film for my birthday and potentially she also bought me the soundtrack. It isn't important.
This version is the 1999 reissue and does not contain the orchestrations that appeared on the original and replaces it with songs from other albums.
Yellow Submarine is considered the weakest of The Beatles' albums, and with the removal of the orchestrations, therefore messing with the release, it is even weaker for it, extremely weak, so I will be ignoring tracks that appeared on other albums and concentrating on the 5 songs that were specific to this release.
Its an extremely poor album this album and that may be the reason for it's lack of play. Of the five tracks I only like one song and that is the rather throwaway All Together Now, the other tracks, either jar or just aren't that good. Harrison is let loose again at a time when he should be on a tight reign, maybe things were such at that time that Lennon and McCartney would allow any old shit on to an album, Only A Northern Song being the best example.
This release of course features the Ringo vocal on the title track and it's not a bad song, its not awful, familiarity breeds contempt and all that and as it is so damned familiar I have nothing but contempt for it, and its vocalist.
So not a good album, an appalling reissue that someone thought was a good idea, when it clearly wasn't. 1 out of 10.
All Together Now by The Beatles
Yesterday was Yellow Submarine by The Beatles and it is the first time I suspect that this album has been played. I think my sister bought it me, she certainly bought me the film for my birthday and potentially she also bought me the soundtrack. It isn't important.
This version is the 1999 reissue and does not contain the orchestrations that appeared on the original and replaces it with songs from other albums.
Yellow Submarine is considered the weakest of The Beatles' albums, and with the removal of the orchestrations, therefore messing with the release, it is even weaker for it, extremely weak, so I will be ignoring tracks that appeared on other albums and concentrating on the 5 songs that were specific to this release.
Its an extremely poor album this album and that may be the reason for it's lack of play. Of the five tracks I only like one song and that is the rather throwaway All Together Now, the other tracks, either jar or just aren't that good. Harrison is let loose again at a time when he should be on a tight reign, maybe things were such at that time that Lennon and McCartney would allow any old shit on to an album, Only A Northern Song being the best example.
This release of course features the Ringo vocal on the title track and it's not a bad song, its not awful, familiarity breeds contempt and all that and as it is so damned familiar I have nothing but contempt for it, and its vocalist.
So not a good album, an appalling reissue that someone thought was a good idea, when it clearly wasn't. 1 out of 10.
All Together Now by The Beatles
Friday, 21 August 2009
Welcome to The Rodeo
“Dad what was indie like when you were young?”
“Ee lass, indie were vibrant, fresh, different and so dangerous them telly shows wouldn’t touch it wi a line prop”
“But Dad, surely not all of it was great, not all of it was vibrant, fresh, different and dangerous, some of it must have been shit? and why are you speaking in a Yorkshire accent?”
Today’s commute CD is the Blessed Ethel album, Welcome To The Rodeo. An album released in 1995 and one that is owned by my wife. Bought as a result of her enjoying a single of theirs called 2 Minute Mind, a rather splendid couple of minutes of fiery hard rocking. That single isn’t on this album.
My wife introduced me to this band on the very first night she ever allowed me back to her house, she played me 2 Minute Mind and a single by Kinky Machine, she had a thing for Kinky Machine, but I really quite enjoyed 2 Minute Mind, I thought it was pretty good, but maybe I was being polite as I wanted to kiss her. Time has shown me I didn’t need to be polite.
As a result of her enthusiasm for that single we picked up this album in some second hand shop, someone somewhere decided that they had had enough of this album and so passed it on to a charity or second hand shop where it could happily rub shoulders with the likes of Foster and Allen or Stacka Bo.
So what’s is it like? It starts off rather promisingly, in a generic Britpop kind of way, Sleeper is the most obvious influence, at least on track 1, Pullman Car to Venus, its not entirely offensive, but then, and pretty much from then on in, it is absolutely f**king awful, its depressingly bad and you wonder if there is a hidden track, entirely silent as it is only the producer shaking his head at the thought that he will never work in this town again. Not this town, as this town is Stafford and Greggs are always recruiting.
The reason for its awfulness is that it is a very bad example of its time, it is totally of its time and they, Blessed Ethel, chose to absorb the very bad examples of Britpop, the very bad examples of girl fronted rock and the very bad examples of popular indie, this combination results in a third rate bottom of the bill indie band peddling a dreadful album.
On that note, its Friday and so a rather generous 1 out of 10, as I can’t give halves.
Veronica by Blessed Ethel
“Ee lass, indie were vibrant, fresh, different and so dangerous them telly shows wouldn’t touch it wi a line prop”
“But Dad, surely not all of it was great, not all of it was vibrant, fresh, different and dangerous, some of it must have been shit? and why are you speaking in a Yorkshire accent?”
Today’s commute CD is the Blessed Ethel album, Welcome To The Rodeo. An album released in 1995 and one that is owned by my wife. Bought as a result of her enjoying a single of theirs called 2 Minute Mind, a rather splendid couple of minutes of fiery hard rocking. That single isn’t on this album.
My wife introduced me to this band on the very first night she ever allowed me back to her house, she played me 2 Minute Mind and a single by Kinky Machine, she had a thing for Kinky Machine, but I really quite enjoyed 2 Minute Mind, I thought it was pretty good, but maybe I was being polite as I wanted to kiss her. Time has shown me I didn’t need to be polite.
As a result of her enthusiasm for that single we picked up this album in some second hand shop, someone somewhere decided that they had had enough of this album and so passed it on to a charity or second hand shop where it could happily rub shoulders with the likes of Foster and Allen or Stacka Bo.
So what’s is it like? It starts off rather promisingly, in a generic Britpop kind of way, Sleeper is the most obvious influence, at least on track 1, Pullman Car to Venus, its not entirely offensive, but then, and pretty much from then on in, it is absolutely f**king awful, its depressingly bad and you wonder if there is a hidden track, entirely silent as it is only the producer shaking his head at the thought that he will never work in this town again. Not this town, as this town is Stafford and Greggs are always recruiting.
The reason for its awfulness is that it is a very bad example of its time, it is totally of its time and they, Blessed Ethel, chose to absorb the very bad examples of Britpop, the very bad examples of girl fronted rock and the very bad examples of popular indie, this combination results in a third rate bottom of the bill indie band peddling a dreadful album.
On that note, its Friday and so a rather generous 1 out of 10, as I can’t give halves.
Veronica by Blessed Ethel
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
Homogenic
This whole listening to my CD albums in alphabetical order seemed a great idea a few months ago, the A’s weren’t that fallow and the variety meant that I never knew what was coming up. Now I am in the B’s and B’s is made up on the whole of a relatively low amount of artists, certainly as ratios, albums to artists go, there is little variety.
When I think of B’s I think of Billy Bragg and Belle and Sebastian, what I forgot to think of was Bjork. We have too much Bjork and all of it is my wifes. Every single album, every single single, every LP with the Sugarcubes, everything, its hers. I had Birthday by The Sugarcubes on 7” but in an effort to woo my wife I gave her that single, it worked by the way, she is easily bought. The first compilation my wife did for me she put a couple of Bjork tracks on a tape for me, she has since learned the rules of doubling up on tapes, but back then she put Aeroplane and Come To Me on a tape and as I wanted to do rude things with her I said that’s great, ace, thank you.
I hate Bjork, I find her difficult to listen to, tuneless, and purposefully odd. This shit sells is perhaps the Guðmundsdóttir mantra. Actually I do like one album, it isn’t this one though, this one is Homogenic, the 1997 album. This one didn’t pass the old grey whistle test, this one didn’t catch me absent mindedly tapping out a rhythm on the top of my gear stick, this one didn’t see my car accelerating and slowing down as my foot was tapping, this one had me glancing at the display on my CD player and thinking, Christ its only track 3.
Under my own set of loosely enforced rules I have to listen to the album once each way, and the thought of Homgenic soundtracking the journey home has me thinking that I may work over tonight.
Even the highlights were low, Bachelorette, All is full of love, really really really bad. Is it the worst Bjork album, I fear not, I fear that will go to one that I know remains unplayed in a cellophane wrapper that may tip me over the edge. So with that in mind Homogenic. 1 out of 10. Why 1? I haven’t got the first clue other than I predict an album will be worse than this so I have to allow something lower than this.
All Is Full Of Love by Bjork
When I think of B’s I think of Billy Bragg and Belle and Sebastian, what I forgot to think of was Bjork. We have too much Bjork and all of it is my wifes. Every single album, every single single, every LP with the Sugarcubes, everything, its hers. I had Birthday by The Sugarcubes on 7” but in an effort to woo my wife I gave her that single, it worked by the way, she is easily bought. The first compilation my wife did for me she put a couple of Bjork tracks on a tape for me, she has since learned the rules of doubling up on tapes, but back then she put Aeroplane and Come To Me on a tape and as I wanted to do rude things with her I said that’s great, ace, thank you.
I hate Bjork, I find her difficult to listen to, tuneless, and purposefully odd. This shit sells is perhaps the Guðmundsdóttir mantra. Actually I do like one album, it isn’t this one though, this one is Homogenic, the 1997 album. This one didn’t pass the old grey whistle test, this one didn’t catch me absent mindedly tapping out a rhythm on the top of my gear stick, this one didn’t see my car accelerating and slowing down as my foot was tapping, this one had me glancing at the display on my CD player and thinking, Christ its only track 3.
Under my own set of loosely enforced rules I have to listen to the album once each way, and the thought of Homgenic soundtracking the journey home has me thinking that I may work over tonight.
Even the highlights were low, Bachelorette, All is full of love, really really really bad. Is it the worst Bjork album, I fear not, I fear that will go to one that I know remains unplayed in a cellophane wrapper that may tip me over the edge. So with that in mind Homogenic. 1 out of 10. Why 1? I haven’t got the first clue other than I predict an album will be worse than this so I have to allow something lower than this.
All Is Full Of Love by Bjork
Friday, 17 April 2009
The Week Never Starts Round Here
I have learned not to trust weathermen, or in the case of GMTV, weathergirls (why is it weathergirls and weather men and not weather boys?) The weather girl this morning, not the delightful Claire Nazir I might add, but some Scots woman drafted in to cover her holiday/sick/maternity leave, delete as applicable. Anyway, Scots weathergirl said it would be fine, it wasn’t fine, it was grim, it was very grim, and it was made all the more grimmer by Arab Strap, for they provided the soundtrack and that soundtrack was The Week Never Starts Round Here.
Arab Strap, certainly on this album are the musical equivalent of The Dementors from Harry Potter, sucking every bit of life, joy and optimism out my commute, I entered a fog of despair in Stafford and didn’t come out of the other side until I was minutes away from Coleshill.
Arab Strap I daresay have never had a review where somewhere it doesn't say dour. I don’t even know what dour means, but I bet they are it.
That all said, some Arab Strap songs feature amongst my favourites, namely The Love Detective, Hey Fever and The First Big Weekend, and it was the latter that influenced me into buying this album, and even that doesn’t lift it from the depths of overriding ennui. You see, on songs like The First Big Weekend, where the vocal is effectively a monologue, you have to listen, but as the vocals on the album are so low in the mix, you are craning to hear, it’s the same for all of the album, you really can’t hear things too well, which on a song that’s chorus driven, it really doesn’t matter, after all you don’t really need to have “Hey Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine, you blow my mind” really loud over the instruments, as it is repeated, you get the gist of it, well you may need to hear it better if you are an acquaintance of Toni Basil, you are named Michael, you are wondering if you are fine, and what Toni Basils mind does in your presence, then, and only then perhaps you might need the instrumentation turned down a notch. This isn’t Toni Basil though, this is Aiden Moffatt, telling a story, mumbled at best, over instruments, I still do not know what they did on their first big weekend.
So, I quite like one track on a dreadful dreadful album, how does that equate in my scoring system, 1 out of 13
The First Big Weekend by Arab Strap
Arab Strap, certainly on this album are the musical equivalent of The Dementors from Harry Potter, sucking every bit of life, joy and optimism out my commute, I entered a fog of despair in Stafford and didn’t come out of the other side until I was minutes away from Coleshill.
Arab Strap I daresay have never had a review where somewhere it doesn't say dour. I don’t even know what dour means, but I bet they are it.
That all said, some Arab Strap songs feature amongst my favourites, namely The Love Detective, Hey Fever and The First Big Weekend, and it was the latter that influenced me into buying this album, and even that doesn’t lift it from the depths of overriding ennui. You see, on songs like The First Big Weekend, where the vocal is effectively a monologue, you have to listen, but as the vocals on the album are so low in the mix, you are craning to hear, it’s the same for all of the album, you really can’t hear things too well, which on a song that’s chorus driven, it really doesn’t matter, after all you don’t really need to have “Hey Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine, you blow my mind” really loud over the instruments, as it is repeated, you get the gist of it, well you may need to hear it better if you are an acquaintance of Toni Basil, you are named Michael, you are wondering if you are fine, and what Toni Basils mind does in your presence, then, and only then perhaps you might need the instrumentation turned down a notch. This isn’t Toni Basil though, this is Aiden Moffatt, telling a story, mumbled at best, over instruments, I still do not know what they did on their first big weekend.
So, I quite like one track on a dreadful dreadful album, how does that equate in my scoring system, 1 out of 13
The First Big Weekend by Arab Strap
Monday, 23 March 2009
The Avalanches
Lisa, my wife wouldn’t let me play a CD for our travelling about this weekend, well she did, it was Bossanova by Pixies, but it was on an ipod and it wasn’t part of my loosely alphabetical trawl through my CD’s. Today it resumed though and it was the self titled album by New Zealand dance act, The Avalanches. I have to say when I first heard this album I liked it very much, in a similar vein to Lemon Jelly and Cowcube, the difference being I know when I get to those albums they will still be a joy to listen to. The Avalanches wasn’t. Every track is a 3 second loop repeated over an over, they aren’t songs they are breaks, good breaks but breaks none the less, and this really long album ( I was stuck between Jct 11 and 8 for 40 minutes and the album only finished as I pulled into work) but apart from maybe 1 or 2 tracks, you could listen to any 5 seconds within a song and it would sound the same as any other 5 seconds within the same song. They are using hip hop beats but not breaking it up with any rapping, it was a really tedious CD to listen to, Frontier Psychiatrist and Since I met you are pretty early on and EVERY other track is practically a 3 second loop. I really wished that I had skipped this album but that is breaking the rules. Appalling. 1 out of 10. It should be less as the album version is not the version of since I met you that I love.
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