See Through This And Leave

Its light in the mornings these days, which is pleasant, there was a light frost and a bright sun, heading through Shugborough it was difficult not to slow down and take it all in. Actually the reason for slowing down was due to some bloody lorry driver crawling along at 25 miles per hour taking in natures glory, either that or captivated by the hilarity of Chris Moyles.
I digress. My musical accompaniment wasn’t the hapless lard boy, the money grabbing leech that head BBC honcho would rather have polluting the airwaves over 6 Music. No it wasn’t him, it was The Cooper Temple Clause and their debut album See Through This And Leave.
I am not in a mood because of the feckless Phil Dowd, this is my wifes CD, I despaired when I bought her this and the follow up for Christmas, but it was an easy win, a band she liked 2 cd’s out = 2 gifts. Phil Dowd, he is off my Christmas list though.
OK so what of this? It is a shocking pile of manure that has no equal. Its quite perplexing how this pitiful weak pub band got signed in the first place, let alone keep up the charade for 3 albums.
They take all of the worst aspects of band I detest and roll them into a dung infested musical meringue. Oasis, Kasabian, Muse. Appalling stuff.
Maybe if there was a tune there it would have made all the difference and would have lightened my mood a little to the point that I wouldn’t have given the finger to the driver of a Merc near Rugeley Power Station, but no this tuneless dirge meant that a frown was ever present and the only thing again stopping me lobbing it out of a window was the knowledge it is my wifes CD and I want my tea tonight, it may not be forthcoming if I said “Dear, your Cooper Temple Clause CD is currently rolling down a hill between Rugeley and Lichfield can I have 5 fishfingers please.”
As it stands, it’s the worst C so far. Tuneless, noodly, lad rock, derivative, bad vocals, bad playing. Awful. See Through This And Leave 0 out of 10.

Jane Doe Review

My commute CD album trek has took a bit of a rest, for many reasons, but today it started back up with a vengeance. In case you don’t know I am listening to all of my CD albums in turn, alphabetically and then I review them here.
The reason why I have had a month off from this is I needed a break from my own CD’s, I needed to catch up on a few podcasts, work was getting busy and primarily I am a coward.
Today’s CD was the 2001 album, Jane Doe by Converge, a Massachusetts hardcore/metal band, and to be frank it is potentially the worst album you will ever hear. Ever hear if you are stupid enough to hand over your money for it.

I was.

It’s absolutely dire and I really can’t think of any reason why I would buy it, and it was bought, believe me, from my own pocket money was spent, not downloaded illegally, or a copy from a friend, this is a bona fide purchased album.

So what does it sound like, it sounds like all of the scary thoughts I had as a child, chopped up, scrambled, screamed over and put back into my head via nail gun. If you had an infinite amount of time and an infinite amount of monkeys, with instruments, this cacophony would be the very first thing they produced. It would then be discarded in the hope of something that resembled a tune.

It’s that post hardcore sound that I maybe liked during the early 2000’s, that can be the only excuse, but whereas acts like Poison The Well and Cave In had some tunes and tried to inject a little melody, these guys can’t even do that.

So the cowardice? I saw this CD was next, I kind of guessed how I would feel about it and for a month I went into the spare room, sometimes I got to the spine of the CD, but for a month I shook my head, I knew it was the musical version of the film Anguish and I was in no mood to listen to it. It is done now and I am sure nought but fluffiness and jollity are ahead. So Converge, Jane Doe. Jane Doh! More like 0 out of 10.

Bad Music For Bad People - Review

It was a snowless Stafford on the way into work and deep snow on the way back. The soundtrack both was the cynical IRS cash in album that was The Cramps' Bad Music For Bad People.
Musically its a great album, it is however reminiscent of the two Cramps albums I have sampled thus far on the commute, most notably Off The Bone from last week. Yes there are differences but not major differences and its similarities are the most attractive, and you know I wouldnt mind a few different ornaments on the mantlepiece.

What we do see here is Goo Goo Muck, Human Fly and She Said, yes all very good but as I said familiar. I Can't Hardly Stand It, Uranium Rock and Save It, again, faultless but we had these tracks only last week. Garbage Man, New Kind Of Kick and Love Me, you get the picture, all of these so far were on Off The Bone.

One solitary song wasnt on Off The Bone, TV Set, a good song, but if I had known this I may have bought my wife a different Cramps album, for The Cramps, 10, for IRS, -10 therefore 0 out of 10. Bad label.



TV Set by The Cramps

Wichita Lineman The Best of Glen Campbell

I have never seen Glen Campbell in concert. I really like him, and his music although the opportunity has presented itself a number of times, I chose not to. Intentionally.
Todays disc is a Glen Campbell disc, its called Wichita Lineman The Best of Glen Campbell and it was released in the 90’s by Castle Communications. That sentence alone should indicate the quality of this recording. That sentence should tell you everything you need to know about this disc.
I have never seen Glen Campbell purely because of this disc, you see this is a live recording, unsure where, and the only date I can pin it to is pre 1990. It contains many covers, but that’s OK, he is a covers man. What galls me though, what angers me beyond belief and what makes state that Campbell will never get a penny of my money is, and he is totally to blame for this and not Castle Communications, is that he condenses, arguably some of the greatest songs ever , into medleys, into shortened versions, into passing nods. Bastard. 0 out of 10.

Handcream for a Generation

My morning CD was Cornershop this morning with the follow up to their breakthrough album, Handcream for a Generation.
I think this is the most perplexing album so far. I will come to why in a moment but just a quick note on Cornershop. I used to work with the percussionist from Cornershop, Pete Bengry. That is my Cornershop fact.
Now as to it’s perplexiness. The way I see this album is that they saw the remix worked on the single Brimful of Asha and let that dictate their sound. Its an odd album that is disjointed and has elements which are really really good, opening track Heavy Soup being the one that springs to mind. But where it should be diverse, its just a rag bag of ideas, over produced and performed unsuccessfully. It sways from reggae, to rock, to house music, all with a fatboy slim sheen. This is Clinton, the Cornershop side project but with the Cornershop name attached in a cynical attempt to sell more records. It just does not work for me though.
I really was very disappointed in its overall feel, its random at times and certainly forced, none of it seems genuine and “4 real”. Its uninspiring and cynical and all good points are lost and wiped out by the bad. The worst being a 14 minute noodling epic featuring Noel Gallagher. Dreadful, absolutely dreadful. They should be ashamed by that, but they aren’t. 0 out of 10. This is a CD that just may be bouncing off the tarmac of the A38.

Medúlla

Medúlla the 2004 album by Bjork today on the commute. When God writes the book of life and it comes to bjork, because of this album there will be a gap between Bjørgvin and Bjørnstjerne Bjørnson. Shitter than a shit flavoured shit stick from the shit shop. 0 out of 10

Dog In The Sand

I should have put Howl in the car 2 days running, I apologise if anyone gets this delivered by RSS to a work email, or you object to any of the following words, Shite, Filled, A and R, Bypassing, Pile, Of, Bollocks.
That all said todays car journey CD was the Frank Black album Dog In The Sand. Without being too rude it is best described as a shite filled A and R bypassing pile of bollocks. It appeared to put an extra hundred miles on my journey, seemingly a hundred miles that were cold grey and lifeless, I appeared to be stuck tearfully in a gridlock of emotions that were neither joyful or content. This album is a stinker, its lazy, cliche driven, middle of the road whilst dressing as a hip young gunslinger, this is I Just Called To Say I Love You, this a moustache on the Mona Lisa. I did not like at all.
Even ruling out Black's career with the Pixies and arguably his first couple of solo efforts, this is an unforgivable album, he has popped his career on cruise control and he is reading his stars, (Aries, you will find an overwhelming urge to release dull rock that only loyal followers will buy and like as they hope one day you will write something close to your early career output, oh and a dark haired man will talk washing machines with you), he needs to pay attention to his career and put down the metaphorical newspaper. This is a bad album, a really really bad album. No song was memorable, no song was enjoyable, 0 out of 10. it would be less than zero but then we get into that stupid X factor one million percent nonsense. No video as well, as that would imply there was something good about this.

The Autonomists

I thought I was coming to the end of the A’s, I looked this morning and I have at least another week of A’s, at the very minimum. Today though, the soundtrack to my commute was the self titled album by The Autonomists, what the Italian political movement? No, the British political punk band.
This album was given to me by the same man, a very close friend who also gave me the auf Der Mer album, he also gave me a Tuuli album, so its not all bad.
I really will apologise to him for this review, as I say he is a close friend and he not only went to the trouble of giving me this disc but he also knows the band. Sorry Paul.
I have quite a dislike for UK punk, particularly political UK punk, there are some exceptions, notably Stiff Little Fingers, but The Autonomists are all over the place, essentially taking their cue from Operation Ivy, more punk than ska but a mish mash of influences that Op Ivy had. Now the music is the usual punk fodder, but the lyrics are just dreadful, anarcho ramblings about the system, up the punx kind of stuff, and they have an anarchist symbol as the A of their name.
Thankfully the album was finished by the time I got to Lichfield and I saw no point in repeating it, so the car stereo went off. Not fun, not fun at all, a bigger chore than AC/DC. 0 out of 10.

Let There Be Rock

LET THERE BE ROCK!!!!! No that’s not a call to arms, that’s todays album, by AC/DC, obviously and I state now, some people are going to be offended by this little review. I realised some time back that AC/DC are definitely a greatest hits band, I have heard albums by them and its really a chore getting through it, and let there be rock is only 8 songs long, I got through it twice this morning and I was frowning 3 songs in.
Why are AC/DC considered the epitome of cool and Status Quo aren’t? I mean for my money Status Quo have better songs and the two bands do plough a similar chugging well worn furrow, so why is one considered a bit of a joke and the other sells out the largest venues all over the world?
Anyway, outside of Whole lotta rosie I found this album tedious in the extreme, no real peaks or troughs, plug in the chug along guitar, the whiney vocals and talk about ladies and stuff. I love rock, I really do, classic vintage rock in particular and their greatest hits I am sure is chock full of great hits, but fucking hell, I have to sit through it a couple of more times on the way home. 0 out of 10.